I'm still struggling with some of the concepts I encountered in The Diamond Sutra.
'A bodhisattva seeks the liberation of all beings from delusion,' the Buddha told Subhuti, 'but anyone who has a concept of 'beings' cannot be a bodhisattva.'
So here we all are, not really beings but more like illusions (or delusions) who neither exist nor non-exist. We're like holograms: sort of there, but not there.
Lulu the Cat-Hater? Hologram.
Beasley and Smudge? Holograms.
John X and Nina? Holograms.
But if there's no such thing as 'I', who is having this delusion that I exist? Is the delusion just free-floating around like a cloud of swamp gas? I don't understand it.
In fact, I've come to the conclusion that I can have no confidence at all in anything I believe or learn. I could be wrong about everything, and draw a new set of beliefs and conclusions that are just as wrong as the ones I just abandoned.
But there is no 'I' to have the beliefs or conclusions, so what difference does it make?
Went to the RC this morning as usual, and suddenly became very sleepy around 10 a.m.
I went home and crawled under the blankets on the futon, still wearing my overalls, sweater, scarf and cap. I slept for a couple of hours, then arose and puttered around the house. I went back to RC for some tomato soup in the early afternoon.
But the futon is the center of my universe now. I want to stay there all the time, surrounded by pillows and wrapped in blankets. I could take my laptop there and never leave. That's sort of like my 'safe place.' It's warm, it's comfortable, and no one can get to me there.
I'm going there to hide, frankly.